I’m taking a side-step from my usual “tech” posts to write about the “dad” side. This is a strange situation that I’m trying to understand. Here is the scene: my oldest daughter is invited to a birthday party with “Jenny” that has a start time of 5:30 and going to either 10:30pm or overnight (for a sleepover). Unfortunately, our daughter is double-booked with another birthday party that starts at 6:00 (one that was accepted earlier because the 5:30 one had a late invite sent out). My daughter really wanted to go to the sleepover, so my wife asks “Jenny’s” mother if our daughter could come just for the sleepover (a bit later).
It was the response back from “Jenny’s” mom that really floored me, and I quote:
I’m not comfortable with that idea. I think this is a great chance for sharing lessons on commitment. I hope N. understands.
Huh? Ok, what’s the lesson here? Or lessons? First, is my daughter going to really understand the idea of commitment? Or is she going to think that “Jenny” didn’t want her to come? Or that “Jenny’s” mom doesn’t want her? Does that give N. potentially feelings of rejection. And what is the deal with the mom not being comfortable with the idea that my daughter wanted to come to the party, albeit late? N. likes the girl and wanted to participate in her party.
Frankly, I’m surprised by this sniping comment. It was short and curt. It doesn’t offer any redeeming qualities or any attempt to work something out. Is this the type of parent that I would want my daughter to have any interaction with. And while “noble” in this mother’s attempt to “teach” a lesson, I wonder how these and other lessons are being taught to her own daughter. Whatever. I cannot control how others decide to teach or parent. I can, however, control how I parent and the lessons I teach.
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