Peanut Archives - HighTechDad

Peanut

cookies_group It’s that time of year again, when pre-teen girls (AND THEIR PARENTS) start playing on the good will of friends, family, neighbors and co-workers as they start peddling their tasty and addictive sugary goodness. Yes, all hail the mighty Girl Scout Cookies sales! This time comes as regularly as the tide and it is upon us all again. I should know, our oldest just got her sales packet, set her sales goals and wants me to help her do her sales pitch. This year I told her she was on her own (sort of, I’m still hitting up my coworkers).

Selling Girl Scout Cookies is an important event within a young girls life. If done correctly, it teaches about hard work, money, and how to “close the deal and make the sale.” And let’s all face it, those cookies are really good! Unless of course, you have Milk, Soy, Wheat or Peanut allergies, then these cookies turn deadly.

When we got my daughter’s order form, she excitedly told me about some of the new cookies that were added to the list: Dulce de Leche and Lemon Chalet Cremes. Yum! Then I decided to read the ingredients to see how they might affect my youngest daughter who has peanut allergies. I grabbed the order form and started perusing the ingredients. I was a bit angered with the result.

These days, all labels are required to include allergens that are in the item’s ingredients. This allergy alert information typically appears in bold at the end of the list of ingredients. This has become such a helpful addition to the packaging that it is difficult to literally live without it. I wish, for example, we could get these same labels for meals we eat at restaurants or when we go to parties. It would be so nice to allow my youngest to come off “the peanut leash” once and a while. But her allergies are deadly and we can’t control how people that we don’t know prepare their food.

The labels for the Girl Scout Cookies have taken the first step by complying with the labeling standards. They have also added a tiny section in red that says: “All products contain wheat, soy and milk ingredients.” Do-si-dos and Tagalongs contain peanuts. Lemon Chalet Cremes may contain peanuts. Trefoils and Sugar Free Chocolate Chips may contain tree nuts or traces of tree nuts.” Boy, THAT is encouraging. Basically, for my youngest daughter, she cannot enjoy any of these cookies.

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Today, sources close to HighTechDad (HTD) revealed that E.T. (the Extra Terrestrial) had severe peanut allergies and was NOT homesick contrary to popular belief and media hype. Through an exhaustive  and comprehensive investigation, interviews and footage analysis, HTD has uncovered a grand conspiracy that would even have shocked Agents Mulder and Scully of X-Files fame.

The E.T. Conspiracy

HTD has learned that E.T. producers actually made modifications to the footage of the movie after Hershey, makers of Reese’s Pieces, threatened to sue them for defamation of their product brand. The original plot was much more twisted and would have received an “R” (for Restricted) rating. In the original plot, Elliott encounters E.T., a hostile alien sent to the Earth on a reconnaissance mission for a later invasion. E.T., because of his cuteness and seeming innocence, is able to infiltrate the hearts of children within the movie and through various mind manipulations (as is exemplified through his “control” over and “connection” with Elliott). Elliott discovers a weakness that can cripple E.T., peanut-based products. The producers originally contacted Mars, the makers of Peanut M&M’s and described the plot to them. Fearing damage to their brand, Mars agreed to pay an undisclosed sum of money that went to continue the funding of the movie. When the producers contacted Hershey, the makers of Reese’s Pieces, the Hershey’s Board of Directors did not give in to the demands and the film producers and director decided to use Reese’s Pieces as the “killer candy.”

The plot was built around the fact that while addictive in taste to E.T., Reese’s Pieces were actually deadly to E.T.’s species. In the original plot, Elliott is able to make E.T. sick enough through the use these peanut-based candies and gets several scientists and doctors to analyze the peanut affect and subsequent allergic reaction within the alien. Eventually, the original plot has E.T.’s companions returning to recover and debriefing him in preparation for a later attack on Earth. However, they learn that humans have found this deadly allergy within their species and they simply decide to cancel their original invasion plans. They do try other types of invasions (see Independence Day and War of the Worlds).

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